Comedy · Love · Motherhood · Parenting · Silly Kids

New Monday Tradition (Sorry not sorry)

So Mondays suck.  As a rule.  So I have decided to institute a new Monday tradition.  On my FB, I often post little “Sophieisms” or “Archerisms” or “Viviisms,” and even some interactions between Dan and myself.  Some of these things are just going to be reminders for me of what is in our past.  I want to have them easy to find so I think I’m going to spend my Mondays posting them on here so I can find them easy later on.   My kids are geniuses (and no, I’m not biased at all… I say this with 100% certainty).   I’m going to probably do a month worth every monday until I get them all on here… Then I’ll just post that week’s lovely BB household ridiculousness.

So I’m going to scroll through and pull out a bunch for this first post.  I’m starting in January of 2013 (with one from New Years night of 2012). I’m going to be moving forward and putting more recent ones on here every Monday.  Sorry if you’ve seen them before.

December 31, 2012:
New Years in the BB household. Sophie is just making me LAUGH!!!
Sophie slipped off the ottoman onto the floor on her butt (no injuries, just laughter). She went “Ow!” (Smile on her face.) “I hit my butt!!”
Me: “You’ll be alright, right?”
Sophie: “I’ll walk it off. I have another butt…. ” (her eyes lifted to mine as she thought that through…) “…piece. Another butt piece.”
Me: “Butt Cheek?”
Sophie: “Piece, Cheek, yes. both. I have another both.”
Me: “Well, you’re brilliant, but maybe you shouldn’t be a doctor. Cause anatomy is important for that.”
Sophie: (apparently hearing me say it 10000 times before) “Yeah, but nurses are better than doctors anyways.”
Me: “True. very very true.”
Sophie: “My butt piece will be a nurse.”
Me:  “Uh… okay.”

January 1, 2013:
Mom, can you tell Daddy that his granddaughter is JUST LIKE HIM!?!?!? OMG, I think he rubbed off on her last week. I sat here and WATCHED her unravel a bow she snuck off the tree. Then, thinking I hadn’t seen it, she stood up, walked to me, handed the bow to me and said “The cats undid your bow.”
I had a flash of asking Daddy what it was like being an only child and him telling me he had to blame the dog for everything. I nearly snorted water through my nose with laughter when Sophie did that. JUST LIKE DADDY!!!

January 5, 2013:
OMG SOPHIE IS SAYING LIBAAARY!!! Notice a consonant missing?? cause I flinch when she says it . Libary. Li…bary. omg… the home of literature, the primary source of free knowledge in the free world… and she can’t say it. I worked her through, syllable by syllable, and still it’s Li…bary. I’m going to find the kid at school that did this and noogie him/her bald.

January 6, 2013:
Sophie’s new favorite movie: Robinhood, Men in Tights. ~proud momma~ She’s wandering around the house, hiking up her pants lik Erkel (old reference, I know it ages me, hush), and saying “TIGHT Tights!!!” in a high pitched voice. LOVE IT. Who needs cable when I’ve got kids?

January 7, 2013:
I was just told that I would make an good character for a book. How, exactly, should I take that?
And should I expect to be killed off fast or be one of those funny little sidekick friends that gets eaten towards the end of the book as motivation for the main character to do something profound? cause I don’t wanna die THAT fast, and I’ve never really be that motivating.

January 10, 2013:
Sophie was playing with her playdoh farm set (it makes all sorts of animals). She looked at me: “Old McDonald had lots of animals. He likes to feed his animals.”
Me: “To whom does he feed said animals?”
Sophie ~soft pause, looks up to me and slowly smiles. “To me.” she said. Kinda wickedly.
That’s my girl!!!! Knowing her ancestors clawed their way to the top of the food chain, she honors her ancestors by eating any animal that we serve.

January 11, 2013:
We watched Return of the Jedi last night
(yes again)
And when the Vader MUSIC started Sophie turned to Dan all excited and said “IT’S VADER!!! WE HAVE TO KILL HIM BEFORE HE KILLS US!!!”
Uh… okay… This is why her arrows have suction cup tips.

Heard in the BB household tonight: “Go eat your dinner cause mommy’s hand is hungry.”
Does it make sense to you? no? Why not? It makes sense to us!! You guys are weird for not understanding that. Really really weird.

January 13, 2013:
Sophieism: ~while hugging me~ “I love you more than all the stars in the ocean or drops in the sky.”
I think she might be a smidge confused, but it was still SOOOO cute.

Sophie just told me to put her batman down or he would go “all wolverine” on me. After I stopped laughing I scolded her for telling me what to do… but it took a few minutes.

January 14, 2013:
I don’t swoon. I’m not the drooling type. I never fell for those boy bands and tended to scare off the boys rather than drool all over them…. And yet the 2014 corvette has me fanning myself in public…. O…M… G… Want.that.car. ~sigh~

January 15, 2013:
Sophie’s avoiding sleep tactics now include “I’m hungry” and “I need to go potty.”
The “I’m hungry” one usually garners the “tough noogies, you had dinner, if you wanted more you could have asked then. Maybe now you’ll eat your breakfast tomorrow.” reply from me.
My favorite, though, is the “I need to go potty” excuse. Cause I have the answer down to an automated blur of words that she understands despite their speed due to their consistency. “Go Potty… this is it… make it count… squeeze it out cause I’m taking the toilet out of the floor afterwards.” (that’s to keep her from repeating the excuse.)
Yeah… I know. You are all marveling a the wonder that is my mothering.

January 17, 2013:
Me (muttering to self, sadly in front of Sophie without realizing it, for reasons not related to work, cause I really do love my job): “Why do we live in Florida?” (whispered, I thought).
Sophie: “Princesses!!”
Me: ~smiling now~ “Okay, and what is so great about the princesses??”
Sophie: “Swords!!” ~smiling wickedly~
Me: ~pausing… realizing the game she’s playing. “Are we playing ;’here’s your random for the day’?”
Sophie: “DRAGONS!”
Me: “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Sophie burst into a fit of giggles. I have already ruined one child, why exactly did God let me have a second shot? I’m just going to teach the next one “here’s your random for the day” and “whack-a-daddy” games.

January 21, 2013:
Sophie: “Does Hakuna Matata (pronounced my tata) have two tatas or one tata? It seems like two tatas… one doesn’t seem right.”
Me: ~trying to not laugh~ “One tata. and you’ve been spending too much time with your dad.”
Sophie. O.O “Okay… one tata.” ~proceeds to sing the song… yet again sounding like she’s saying Hakuna My Tata~

So we are watching the Pixar short “Partly cloudy” (about clouds that make baby animals for the storks, and one cloud gets stuck making the scary/dangerous creature babies like electric eels and alligators.) Sophie turns to me: “I don’t want a puppy or kittens ever. But can I have a cute little baby alligator? They are so cute when they nibble.”
Me: “Figures. Uhh… sure. Let’s get you a pet that will grow up into a man-eating monster.”
Sophie: “Ooooohhhh A BABY DRAGON WITH A SWORD!!!!”
Me: “I was kidding.” ~deadpan~
Sophie: ~blank stare with a grin as if she fully expects a baby dragon with a sword to be handed to her~

January 24, 2013:
Heard a song this morning that flashed me to the Gator Growl back in 1996, when dad and mom took me at 16. And the surprise from my dad… And the joy I felt when my then fav band showed up for a surprise performance and daddy handed me their cd with this look…. He knew they’d be there and he knew how excited I was. Awesome daughter, daddy moment. Awesome memory this morning…. Going to apply to more jobs in NC today… I need to get home. I miss home and the ‘rents so much.

January 26, 2013:
Okay, so I know Dan is a quiet, sweet, kind, geeky, star trek loving guy, but when he starts to bake me bread and other goodies from scratch, I melt into the amazing caretaker/protector that is hiding behind those blue eyes. ~sigh~ I’m not feeling too hot today (I think my blood pressure is at an all time low… sigh), but I get to have Dan’s banana bread, and that makes it all okay. Eat your hearts out, ladies. I married Peeta and I’m not sharing him. No big surprise, I’ve never really played well with others. ~gloating over my banana bread~

January 28, 2013:
On the way home
Sophie: Mommy, we need to kill the bad guys.
Me: “It’s not nice to talk about killing people, Sophie.”
Sophie: “Well the police can kill the bad guys, right?”
Me: “The police and all other superheros can, yes.”
Sophie: “They sure can! They go pew pew pew pew!!! (held her hand up with a fake gun)
Me: “MURIKA!” (cause to me that’s the only word that can follow the pewpewpew sound)
Sophie: “Muuuurrrrrrika!!!!”
I have destroyed my kid for the greater good. You are all welcome.

January 30, 3013
Sophie (to me): “I only want girls on my team!”
Me: “That works for me. Less interaction with boys equals less boys I have to scare away.”
Sophie: “So girls on the team, you, me, and daddy. That’s my team!”
Me: “Sophie, you know that daddy’s a man, not a girl, right?”
Sophie: “Yeah, but he’s like a girl, so he can be be on our girl team too.”
Me: “Can’t argue with that.” ~snicker~
Leave it to the BB girls to go after the man even when he’s not here to defend himself.

December 31, 2014:
Dan has decided that I am not huggy lovey… I’m papercutty, slicey, hurty. ~sigh~ pretty much sums it up.

Today:
Sophie: (In the car) “When I grow up I’m getting daddy’s car, right?”
Me: “Probably.  We’ll deal with that when we get there.”
Sophie: “I need to save money to get it painted pink with big bats on it, like a batgirl mobile.”
Me: “Why don’t we just get some of those stick on removable vinyl sticky things of bats? That way the paint finish is untouched and you save a ton of money?”
Sophie: “Sounds good.  Let’s get orange! (Dan’s car is Gator Blue). That way I can have a Gator Batgirl Mobile!”
Me: “You make your daddy and me proud, babygirl.”
Sophie: “I know.”

Okay.  That’s all for tonight.  Tune in next week for either (if you were bored numb) a bunch of sludge you will skim through looking for the good parts, OR (if this made you laugh) more hilarity from the BB household!   Goodnight!  I’m here all week!  Tip your waiters!

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