Chemo mom · Childhood Cancer · children · Histiocytosis · Homeschooling · liver disease · Motherhood · Parenting · pediatric cancer · Uncategorized

Hard Decisions and Trying to Emulate Normalcy

We had an “incident” at our daughter’s after school a couple of weeks ago.  Three boys surrounded her while she was coloring with chalk on the ground, circled her while saying “we’re circling you, you can’t get up, neener neener neener” (kids really are idiots… seriously… wtf?).  Her response was to throw a piece of chalk, and my kid threw it right over their heads.  Not sure if that was intentional or if her aim really sucks.   She’s GREAT with a bow and arrow, so I’m leaning towards her intending to miss them.  Well one of the kids got the chalk an hit her with it.  Hard.  Right on the collar bone.  She has a big red welt and a nice line of a purple bruise (this was one of those big chalks).  Dan was worried it was broken, but being a nurse, he checked and she’s fine.  The bone was pretty bruised tho.

And all I can think of is “what if he kicked her while she sat on the ground instead of hitting her with the chalk.  It really brought home what the liver doctor said to us.  “She cannot be hit in the gut.  She cannot fall.  It would cause her spleen to rupture.”  Well, I called to talk to the nurse at Sophie’s liver doctor’s office the day after the incident to ask what would happen exactly and timing and stuff like that, she said that they tend to recommend kids with super enlarged spleens not be in school, be home schooled, if the parents can help it.

We went to have her endoscopy done a week later and the liver doctor seconded the statement, saying “I couldn’t do it, but if you could… it would ensure that her spleen doesn’t have the same risk of rupturing.”  Well, when you put it that way….

Home schooling.  Me??  ME!?!?!   If you guys don’t know me, let me lay it out for you.  I have the patience of a hungry toddler.   And the complete inability to focus on things I think are boring.  And I get angry at stupidity.  NOT MY KID’S stupidity (because kids aren’t stupid, they are learning and she’s just learning)!!!  But the stupidity of common core math, that stuff sets me off.

And when I think of homeschooling, I think of those people in Utah with 67 kids and no one knows who’s kid is who’s. Or at least that’s what homeschooling is portrayed as in ght media and I’d be nervous as hell to do it myself.


First, we can’t live off of just one of our incomes right now.   But can we change that? And do we want to? 

Then, what will her life be like without being in school?

Will she have friends?  How do I make sure she has friends?

Can I teach the things she needs to learn?  I mean..  she’ll eventually need to learn Chemistry…  economics.  holy $hi+ I can’t do that!!  

Are there home school groups out there with normal people in them?

How do I find these normal people?  Do they advertise?  Are they hiding under a rock? 

So many questions.

And if we don’t pull her from school, can we guarantee that the school will prevent an injury like that?  The liver doctor kept saying “you can get a 504 plan, but that only applies to the school and not the other students and there’s no real way to control them.”

Well shit. 

I’m not sure what to do or think.   She wants to stay in school.  We pulled her from the after school program she was in the day after the incident because they obviously don’t have adequate supervision for all the kids.  She started a different program that is more structured and closely watched last Monday and she’s super stoked to be back in that after school program.

But that doesn’t solve our issues with her safety while she’s at school.

This is where I sit.  Daniel is applying to jobs for more money.   I’m applying for at home jobs. I’m looking at possibly opening my own business so that I can work from home.  Or maybe teach classes at online colleges?  Or at the local community college?  But we’re still drowning in student loans and debt accrued when Sophie was sick and when Dan went to nursing school… so I don’t really know what to do, other than get onto this blog and whine about it, of course.

I know being a parent is hard, but dayum… I’d like a few months of nothing big happening and not wanting to tuck my oldest into a bubble wrapped box in a closet to protect her.  But since I can’t have that, we’re just trying to emulate normalcy.  And I think we are succeeding.  Why?  Because, as of this afternoon, all 5 of us, husband, wife, and three kids, have been diagnosed with Strep Throat.  All of us.   No exceptions.  The icing on the proverbial crap cake.   Murphy can just f**k off now.

I need someone to tell me what to do, to win the lottery, have a nanna nap, and be given a bottle of wine and I don’t even drink. I keep hearing Chevy Chase say, “Holy Shit!  Where’s the Tylenol?” over and over in my head…

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at


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