Bathroom Debate · children · Daughters · Family · Motherhood · Restroom Debate · Uncategorized

What My Daughters Will Face and the Restroom Debate

When I was pregnant with my first child, I wanted a little girl.  Because my brain didn’t think beyond the pink bows and little girliness that having a baby girl is.  For my second child, I wanted healthy, since we’d had such a rocky road with our first.  With my third, I just wanted a nap, let’s be honest.

I haven’t had a nap yet…. That’s your context to this post…  Long years without enough sleep:

I’ve been listening to the debate about transgender women using public restrooms and I wanted to just put this out there.  My girls are going to have to deal with so much more in this world than transgender women hearing them tinkle through the wall of the bathroom stall.  So I thought I’d put some of it down for you guys to give everyone a reality check about what it means to be a girl and a woman in America, and why I just think this debate is the most insulting and pathetic discussion I’ve heard in decades.   You wanna protect my girls?  Let’s focus on what really hurts them, huh?

 

By the age of 6, my daughters will be:

  • Called “bossy” or disciplined (not by me) for something that little boys are permitted to do without reprimand.
  • Unable to find female superheros or female role models in the toys section that aren’t Barbie or some other distorted image of women-hood.
  • Made fun of for playing with toys that are associated with little boys by small-minded people, such as Batman legos. (this is true in the reverse.  If my son wants to play with Minnie Mouse, by all means, let him be a child.)
  • Asked if a little boy that they play with is her boyfriend or if they will end up getting married.
  • Unable to get clothing in the little girls department that is practical for playing in the dirt.
  • Unable to find shorts that are longer than booty shorts.. (IN THE LITTLE GIRLS SECTION OF THE CLOTHING STORE!!!  WTF???)

By the age of 8, my daughters will be:

  1. Held to impossible beauty standards created by the marketing industry to sell beer and sex toys.
  2. Called pretty, whereas, their male counterparts will be called smart.
  3. Taught by their teachers and their school system that their intelligence is not as valuable to society as their behavior and looks.
  4. Pushed towards “traditionally feminine” jobs, such as nursing and teaching, by well meaning, but ignorant people.
  5. Asked whether they want babies and how many, because apparently at the age of 8, they know the answer to this.
  6. Still unable to find reasonably long shorts.

By the age of 12, my daughters will be:

  1. Held to impossible beauty standards created by the marketing industry to sell beer and sex toys.
  2. Propositioned for oral sex or intercourse by some boy.
  3. Suffering from some form of eating disorder or otherwise have little to no self-esteem.
  4. Subjected to dress codes at schools that target girls and insinuate that the girls must cover their entire bodies or they are a threat to the education of the boys.
  5. Sent home to get changed if they violate such dress codes, which implies that their own education isn’t as important as how they appear to society.
  6. Be told by a perfect stranger that they “can’t” do something because of their gender.
  7. Pushed towards “traditionally feminine” jobs, such as nursing and teaching, by well meaning, but ignorant, people.

By the age of 16, my daughters will be:

  1.  Held to impossible beauty standards created by the marketing industry to sell beer and sex toys.
  2. Bullied into sexual intercourse or some other sexual act by some boy.
  3. Subjected to bullying for her appearance.
  4. Belittled by society if she shows an interest in topics deemed to not be appropriate for girls, such as engineering or neurobiology.
  5. Pushed towards “traditionally feminine” jobs, such as nursing and teaching, by well meaning, but ignorant, people.
  6. Placed into a stereotype that will stick with her for years (such as goth or popular girl or soccer girl) all because of her appearance.
  7. Sexually harassed while walking down the street.
  8. Followed by some guy in the mall or when walking home.

By the age of 20, my daughters will be:

  1. Held to impossible beauty standards created by the marketing industry to sell beer and sex toys.
  2. Insulted by professors or advisors for their professional interest unless they fit into a specific mold.
  3. Pushed towards “traditionally feminine” jobs, such as nursing and teaching, by well meaning, but ignorant, people.
  4. Subjected to sexual harassment by strangers and colleagues.
  5. Possibly raped (20% of college women…)
  6. Accused of plagiarism or asked if someone else did their work on a difficult project in the sciences or maths fields.

By the age of 25, my daughters will be:

  1. Held to impossible beauty standards created by the marketing industry to sell beer and sex toys.
  2. Hired for less than her male counterparts and underpaid, regardless of the amount of work she puts in or what her resume says.
  3. Asked over and over again when she’ll be getting married.
  4. Asked over and over again when she’s having babies.
  5. Be repeatedly looked over for raises and promotions, regardless of the work she puts in.

By the age of 35 for for every age after, my daughters will be:

  1. Held to impossible beauty standards created by the marketing industry to sell beer and sex toys.
  2. Repeatedly looked over for raises and promotions, regardless of the work she puts in.
  3. Considered too old to be beautiful (WTF?  Seriously?).
  4. Considered past her prime.
  5. If she hasn’t had children, be constantly harassed about her “biological clock” or told that she’s “missed her chance,” as if her value was in reproduction.

Across the ages, they might be subjected to violence and hatred for their gender.  If they say “no” to a man, they might be hurt or raped or killed.  They will be required to be the image of virtue, or else be raped and then blamed because of their previous habits and how they dress.  But even if they are the image of virtue, they will be called a tease.  If they are strong, opinionated, they will be referred to as a bitch or some other slur.  But if they are quiet, they will be considered mousey and shy, not just quiet because they didn’t want to talk.  They will be lesser than men.  No matter what they do.

I will do my best to prevent these things from happening, but parenting can only do so much.  It’s up to society to change.  And the only way society will change is if everyone makes a concerted effort to change it.   Apparently that’s not about to happen.

Instead, people are wasting my time and tax dollars trying to “protect” my daughters from well meaning people that just want to go to the bathroom in peace.  So this is my message to the people preaching about how we must keep transgender people out of our restrooms: Get off your high horse unless you actually intend to do something to stop REAL problems my girls are facing and effect REAL change from up there.

Image courtesy of Idea go at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

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