My sweet Girls, I love you. I’m not perfect at showing you that I love you all the time and I know sometimes you wonder. I yell when you don’t listen to me. I get frustrated, I get angry. I get tired. I’m an imperfect being. But I love you so much it hurts. And… Continue reading Letter to my Daughters
Today is the 8th Remission Anniversary for Sophie defeating Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis, a rare form of cancer. Eight years ago today, we were told that Sophie’s cancer was gone. Eight years ago today, we had hope that Sophie would grow up ,she’d grow old, she’d have a wedding and a job and children and a… Continue reading Eight years and It Doesn’t End
You just read that title and thought “I know my kid is mortal. I’ve faced this.” And I would agree with you before my daughter was diagnosed with cancer. But I didn’t realize what my child’s mortality really was until it slapped me in the face. I knew, when I got pregnant, that I had… Continue reading The Moment You Face Your Child’s Mortality
We had an “incident” at our daughter’s after school a couple of weeks ago. Three boys surrounded her while she was coloring with chalk on the ground, circled her while saying “we’re circling you, you can’t get up, neener neener neener” (kids really are idiots… seriously… wtf?). Her response was to throw a piece of… Continue reading Hard Decisions and Trying to Emulate Normalcy
Today is Mother’s Day. I would like to wish ALL The moms out there a wonderful HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! Being a mom is not easy and seems to only get harder as time goes on, so keep up the good fight. I just wanted to remind everyone of a group of moms you might not… Continue reading Happy *Warrior* Mother’s Day
It’s mother’s day, which is usually a day for celebrating your mother, and I do celebrate my mom. But I spent this week watching my little babies celebrate me with hugs and little hand made gifts and things and while I melted into my ballet slippers, I kept thinking “but you are the reason I… Continue reading Being Mom
When you have a child with a chronic illness, you have to go through the steps of grief emotionally to handle the disease. But once you go through those and get through the initial emergency period, you can get complacent during long stretches of generally good health where the “chronic” doesn’t rear its ugly head. … Continue reading The Steps of Grief with Each Doctor Visit
Most everyone starts off on the “fighting pediatric cancer” journey with loads of friends and family. The second you say the word “cancer,” it’s like you are suddenly the host to the world’s largest love fest. You have friends you didn’t know you had and your family members all stand up and offer to help,… Continue reading Culling the Herd: How Relationships with Friends and Family Change When Your Child has Cancer.
Last night, I held our youngest daughter against my chest and placed a flannel blanket that her Grammy made for her against her cheek and rubbed, holding the blanket wrapped around her tiny body. She instantly grabbed it with one arm and snuggled her face against it, against my chest, and promptly fell asleep. I… Continue reading Little Hands and Living in the Now
My husband is a man of many colors, a renaissance man with many cloaks and many talents. He is humble and kind and doesn’t think much of himself, which is ridiculous, but I can hardly change him or how he sees himself after 14 years. Much like myself, his soul was marred by our daughter’s… Continue reading Homage to Chemo Dads
Herding Chaos 