Cancer · Childhood Cancer · Histiocytosis · liver disease · pediatric cancer · PTSD · Uncategorized

The Nature of a Panic Attack (**language warning)

I like writing.  It calms me.  So I thought that maybe I could stop a panic attack if I just wrote during it.  Maybe just getting my thoughts out of my head.  So, I wrote this as a stream of thoughts I had while actively having a panic attack.  I planned ahead, considering I have… Continue reading The Nature of a Panic Attack (**language warning)

Cancer · Chemo Dad · Chemo mom · Childhood Cancer · children · Histiocytosis · liver disease · Motherhood · pediatric cancer · PTSD · support groups · Uncategorized

The Steps of Grief with Each Doctor Visit

When you have a child with a chronic illness, you have to go through the steps of grief emotionally to handle the disease.  But once you go through those and get through the initial emergency period,  you can get complacent during long stretches of generally good health where the “chronic” doesn’t rear its ugly head.  … Continue reading The Steps of Grief with Each Doctor Visit

Cancer · Chemo Dad · Chemo mom · Childhood Cancer · Family · Friends · Histiocytosis · liver disease · Motherhood · Uncategorized

Culling the Herd: How Relationships with Friends and Family Change When Your Child has Cancer.

Most everyone starts off on the “fighting pediatric cancer” journey with loads of friends and family.   The second you say the word “cancer,” it’s like you are suddenly the host to the world’s largest love fest.  You have friends you didn’t know you had and your family members all stand up and offer to help,… Continue reading Culling the Herd: How Relationships with Friends and Family Change When Your Child has Cancer.

Cancer · Chemo mom · Childhood Cancer · children · Faith · Histiocytosis · Religion · Uncategorized

My Faith and My Daughter’s Cancer

Disclaimer:   This is not a preaching moment for me to tell you that you have to or even that you should believe in a God or Goddess or Gods or have any faith at all.  I believe in the freedom of religion, whatever that religion might be, and that includes the freedom to NOT have… Continue reading My Faith and My Daughter’s Cancer

Cancer · Chemo mom · Childhood Cancer · Histiocytosis · pediatric cancer · PTSD · Survivor · Uncategorized

Please don’t think me weak.

I find myself thinking those words more often than not in the last few weeks. I’ve always been the bad@$$ in the herd.  The black sheep with the bandana, playing the metal music and not bending to the judgement of others. I didn’t cry for anything, ever.  I didn’t cry when I moved away from… Continue reading Please don’t think me weak.

Cancer · Chemo Dad · Chemo mom · Childhood Cancer · Family · Histiocytosis · liver disease · Parenting · pediatric cancer · Pediatricians · Physician · Uncategorized

Tips for Pediatric Specialists: Coping with the Tempermental Relationship You Have with Parents

You are a Pediatric Specialist.  You work in an office attached to a hospital, and you are an expert in your field.  You do amazing things.  You know the liver, heart, lungs, bone marrow, and tiny tiny cancer cells better than anyone and you know how good you are. Us parents aren’t trying to discount… Continue reading Tips for Pediatric Specialists: Coping with the Tempermental Relationship You Have with Parents

Cancer · Chemo Dad · Chemo mom · Childhood Cancer · children · Family · Histiocytosis · liver disease · Motherhood · Parenting · Uncategorized

Little Hands and Living in the Now

Last night, I held our youngest daughter against my chest  and placed a flannel blanket that her Grammy made for her against her cheek and rubbed, holding the blanket wrapped around her tiny body. She instantly grabbed it with one arm and snuggled her face against it, against my chest, and promptly fell asleep. I… Continue reading Little Hands and Living in the Now